okay, thanks to joy coming over last night for dinner, i finally have internet on my computer (sadly, its been since last march!!) here's the real benefit: my computer is in the "utility room" which means the room with the laundry (read "buffy's room"). okay, laundry and a computer with internet access = i'm never leaving this room!!! :) (for those of you feeling sorry that i do laundry for 6 people, don't. i love doing laundry. its a sickness.)
i'm just so excited, it's pathetic. and even though ed was excited for me last night while Joy worked to get me set up, i suspect he will be less happy about this new arrangement when he discovers i'm up here blogging at 4:45 and i've got nothing planned for dinner... gotta run! thanks, joy!!! :) :) :)
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
bragging about drew...
okay, enough of the "soul searching" stuff... here's a family update instead:
first, how exciting it was to read our school district's weekly newsletter and find the following:
... recent Math Olympiads competitions... Congratulations to ... high scorer ... seventh grader Drew Abbott... YEAH DREW!!! (okay, it was a long paragraph with several names, so i'm just forwarding the important parts!) and earlier in the year, drew received an award for a comic book he made for his language arts (read "english class") called "fruits vs veggies". we're so proud of him!!
other updates... grades just came out and everyone is doing well, for the most part! (how anyone can get a low grade in phys ed is beyond me, but i guess this will teach our boys to be responsible about remembering gym clothes!!) we're getting ready for baseball for drew, noah & evan (following ev's soccer season thru march) and we're looking (again) for a great activity for taylor - maybe a track team!
we're still making progress on the house (sorry, no pictures yet... working on the camera situation - again!), but our projects seem to be very slow going! ed & i worked hard over the weekend - ed mudding the dining room to prep for painting and i went after the rest of the wallpaper in the living room. with every new step completed, we find another layer to the project... these seem to be the "home improvement projects that never end!!" the walls in the living room didn't come out quite as we'd hoped, so we're working out our plan b... can i just say how thankful i am to have such a handyman for a husband?! he's fabulous!! we're always working on something and sadly haven't finished anything yet! but, we'll get there. we're in no hurry anyway - we've got a lifetime to work on this house! :)
oh, thanks for your prayers & concern for john (ed's brother) - keep praying! no news yet. he returns to the doctors mid-feb. i'll keep you posted!
first, how exciting it was to read our school district's weekly newsletter and find the following:
... recent Math Olympiads competitions... Congratulations to ... high scorer ... seventh grader Drew Abbott... YEAH DREW!!! (okay, it was a long paragraph with several names, so i'm just forwarding the important parts!) and earlier in the year, drew received an award for a comic book he made for his language arts (read "english class") called "fruits vs veggies". we're so proud of him!!
other updates... grades just came out and everyone is doing well, for the most part! (how anyone can get a low grade in phys ed is beyond me, but i guess this will teach our boys to be responsible about remembering gym clothes!!) we're getting ready for baseball for drew, noah & evan (following ev's soccer season thru march) and we're looking (again) for a great activity for taylor - maybe a track team!
we're still making progress on the house (sorry, no pictures yet... working on the camera situation - again!), but our projects seem to be very slow going! ed & i worked hard over the weekend - ed mudding the dining room to prep for painting and i went after the rest of the wallpaper in the living room. with every new step completed, we find another layer to the project... these seem to be the "home improvement projects that never end!!" the walls in the living room didn't come out quite as we'd hoped, so we're working out our plan b... can i just say how thankful i am to have such a handyman for a husband?! he's fabulous!! we're always working on something and sadly haven't finished anything yet! but, we'll get there. we're in no hurry anyway - we've got a lifetime to work on this house! :)
oh, thanks for your prayers & concern for john (ed's brother) - keep praying! no news yet. he returns to the doctors mid-feb. i'll keep you posted!
Monday, January 29, 2007
counseling session?!?
i've had a memory running through my mind a lot lately... i remember - not too many years ago - someone who i love very much telling me (accusing me?) that i'd not ever had my faith in Jesus tested in the way hers was. she was rightfully telling me not to judge her decisions or even her questions. i just couldn't understand. that whole experience changed my life. and now, the memory comes to my mind so often and it is changing me all over again.
when i first started working at st. stephen's, i was asked to participate in our 301 class which tests for spiritual gifts, passions, abilities, and personality types. then you write an essay about your experiences. in 2001, i shared my "most painful experiences". i wrote about my sexual assault in my junior year of college and my college boyfriend's cancer diagnosis (senior year). at that point in my life, those were the hardest things i'd ever been through. at one time, i felt i would never "get over" those awful experiences. i didn't, but i did get through them. and i experienced healing (by the way, scott is healthy and has been in remission for years!).
in 2003, i took 301 again and realized that my "most painful experiences" had been replaced with new ones. this time, i wrote about my broken engagement and the experience whose memory seems to haunt me now (the friendship that was altered by the "faith testing" i mentioned before). again, both of these experiences affected me in ways i can't even express. both my past and my future were shaken and really changed forever and i didn't really know how to make sense of it. somehow, my knowledge of God convinced me that everything would work out and i would need only to wait.
well, years later (and in a whole new world of marriage & parenting), i have wonderful, glorious experiences that are better than i could have hoped for. but now, fears (that probably stem from these experiences and have been carefully locked away for years) are coming out in full force. and my "knowledge" of God doesn't seem to be holding me up anymore. this is the kind of "faith testing" i suspect my beloved friend experienced - testing that doesn't make sense and can't be explained to anyone who hasn't experienced it. i'm living daily through an inner battle between my emotions/fears and my mind/knowledge. it is scary and uncertain and overwhelming and so many other things. (hello? like i don't have enough to deal with?!)
i really hesitate to write this. geez, i'm afraid to share this with anyone and here i am, expressing it to everyone who reads this! but my tendency to "weigh my words" and not share anything that might somehow come back and slap me is overpowered by my strong desire to be released from the oppression fear places over me. here i am - working in my church, surrounded by wonderful people who know and love Jesus - lacking hope and struggling to trust God and His plan for my life. i know my struggle lies with surrender. i'm a control freak and i'm failing to trust that the Lord's plan is better than mine. so, i'm trying to learn to surrender. every day. every hour. every minute.
so, there you have it. my heart laid open and bare. truthfully, this whole "experience" is ugly and exhausting. thankfully, i have much-loved friends & family who are my "stretcher bearers", carrying me to Jesus when i don't have the strength myself - they trust & hope for me and give great encouragement. and i'm praying for a change in my heart. i want to live beyond following the rules and really experience the freedom in surrender that ed tells me about!! :)
when i first started working at st. stephen's, i was asked to participate in our 301 class which tests for spiritual gifts, passions, abilities, and personality types. then you write an essay about your experiences. in 2001, i shared my "most painful experiences". i wrote about my sexual assault in my junior year of college and my college boyfriend's cancer diagnosis (senior year). at that point in my life, those were the hardest things i'd ever been through. at one time, i felt i would never "get over" those awful experiences. i didn't, but i did get through them. and i experienced healing (by the way, scott is healthy and has been in remission for years!).
in 2003, i took 301 again and realized that my "most painful experiences" had been replaced with new ones. this time, i wrote about my broken engagement and the experience whose memory seems to haunt me now (the friendship that was altered by the "faith testing" i mentioned before). again, both of these experiences affected me in ways i can't even express. both my past and my future were shaken and really changed forever and i didn't really know how to make sense of it. somehow, my knowledge of God convinced me that everything would work out and i would need only to wait.
well, years later (and in a whole new world of marriage & parenting), i have wonderful, glorious experiences that are better than i could have hoped for. but now, fears (that probably stem from these experiences and have been carefully locked away for years) are coming out in full force. and my "knowledge" of God doesn't seem to be holding me up anymore. this is the kind of "faith testing" i suspect my beloved friend experienced - testing that doesn't make sense and can't be explained to anyone who hasn't experienced it. i'm living daily through an inner battle between my emotions/fears and my mind/knowledge. it is scary and uncertain and overwhelming and so many other things. (hello? like i don't have enough to deal with?!)
i really hesitate to write this. geez, i'm afraid to share this with anyone and here i am, expressing it to everyone who reads this! but my tendency to "weigh my words" and not share anything that might somehow come back and slap me is overpowered by my strong desire to be released from the oppression fear places over me. here i am - working in my church, surrounded by wonderful people who know and love Jesus - lacking hope and struggling to trust God and His plan for my life. i know my struggle lies with surrender. i'm a control freak and i'm failing to trust that the Lord's plan is better than mine. so, i'm trying to learn to surrender. every day. every hour. every minute.
so, there you have it. my heart laid open and bare. truthfully, this whole "experience" is ugly and exhausting. thankfully, i have much-loved friends & family who are my "stretcher bearers", carrying me to Jesus when i don't have the strength myself - they trust & hope for me and give great encouragement. and i'm praying for a change in my heart. i want to live beyond following the rules and really experience the freedom in surrender that ed tells me about!! :)
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
"Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down!"
my boss, geoff, brought me a special gift yesterday. here i am, 30 years old, and he brings me a weeble. for those of you who don't know or remember what a weeble is, it is a little child's toy that is shaped like an egg and you can make it wobble, but it doesn't fall down. he reminded me that while the weeble looks very unsteady and teeters back and forth, its foundation is stable and it always comes back to its upright (and still) position. in case you've missed the connection, geoff knows that i feel like i'm teetering in every direction and feeling very unsteady as i navigate through new waters every day. his reminder of my steady and strong foundation was such an encouragement.
on sunday, we sang a song that states "You are my shield, my strength, my portion, deliver, my shelter, strong tower, my very present help when i'm in need"... i just cried as i sang this song of praise to God, knowing that even when i don't feel His presence, i can trust that He's right there with me. the Lord is my strong foundation; while i may wobble for some time to come, i won't fall down. (unfortunately, i need lots of reminders about this, so i'm keeping my little weeble close by!)
on sunday, we sang a song that states "You are my shield, my strength, my portion, deliver, my shelter, strong tower, my very present help when i'm in need"... i just cried as i sang this song of praise to God, knowing that even when i don't feel His presence, i can trust that He's right there with me. the Lord is my strong foundation; while i may wobble for some time to come, i won't fall down. (unfortunately, i need lots of reminders about this, so i'm keeping my little weeble close by!)
Saturday, January 20, 2007
The Big 3-0
okay, so it came and went and wasn't nearly the horrible day i once expected. :) i took the day off on friday and enjoyed a great morning at home doing only the things i wanted to do. ed came home between meetings so that we could spend some time together before the boys came home. we took the dogs and went for a walk. the guys had a 1/2 day of school (did we get this much time off?!) and were home by lunch. the afternoon was also pretty peaceful (with a few runs to the store & driving kids around) and then ed took the boys shopping. thankfully, having more quiet time to myself, i was promted to treat myself to a long shower and time to look half decent for our pizza & game night at home (my requested b'day plans) - after evan's soccer game. (by the way, noah predicted that ev's team would win in honor of my birthday - they'd never won a single game yet... they won!! yeah!!!) so, i was cleaned up, enjoyed hanging out with my friend, nancy, at the game and we left to head home for dinner. however, ed wanted to stop at home depot first. the boys were whining, but ed promised it would be quick. what on earth would he want to get for me at home depot... ?? i waited in the car trying to think of what project at home he was going to tackle for me. then, ramsey called and because we were so near his house, i wasn't surprised that ed wanted to stop by. we drove up and ed asked if i wanted to run in (with the car running and all 4 boys waiting)... i asked if cecy was home and followed him in. i walked in to see ramz on the phone and looked around for cecy. but as i walked in, i noticed that they had people around in the living room. then, i looked and saw jim brooks (didn't even see melissa!) at the same time i heard "surprise!!" there was my surprise birthday party! funny, so many things didn't even occur to me... i really was surprised! it was such fun. lots of good food, great friends and fun conversations. :)
then, this morning, the celebration continued. since the boys didn't get to give me their gifts (it would have given away the party, had they brought gifts to the soccer game...), i got breakfast in bed (!) followed by another round of gift opening. it was great. i got earrings from taylor, a ring from ev, scarf, hat & glove set from noah and a "little miss bossy" shirt from drew (kenyon kids, do you remember the "little miss..." and "mr. ..." books?!).
oh, and lest i forget the gift from my in-laws: not only did they send wonderful "pampering" things for me, they also sent along bars of soap for ed and the boys!!! boy, does sharon understand what i live with or what?! :)
so, that's the big birthday news. today, ed and the boys are putting up more insulation (although i hear lots of yelling and running around in the backyard and suspect ed is stuck working alone a lot) and then we are going to a movie (after i get the homemade pizza i requested yesterday!). tomorrow we head to nana & ace's (my parents) for a big family birthday dinner (my birthday, but the boys get gifts - they haven't had their "Christmas with nana & ace" yet).
thanks for all the birthday wishes! turning 30 was lovely. can't wait to do it again next year! (hey, i can't be a twenty-something mom of teenagers, but i can stay at 30, right?)
then, this morning, the celebration continued. since the boys didn't get to give me their gifts (it would have given away the party, had they brought gifts to the soccer game...), i got breakfast in bed (!) followed by another round of gift opening. it was great. i got earrings from taylor, a ring from ev, scarf, hat & glove set from noah and a "little miss bossy" shirt from drew (kenyon kids, do you remember the "little miss..." and "mr. ..." books?!).
oh, and lest i forget the gift from my in-laws: not only did they send wonderful "pampering" things for me, they also sent along bars of soap for ed and the boys!!! boy, does sharon understand what i live with or what?! :)
so, that's the big birthday news. today, ed and the boys are putting up more insulation (although i hear lots of yelling and running around in the backyard and suspect ed is stuck working alone a lot) and then we are going to a movie (after i get the homemade pizza i requested yesterday!). tomorrow we head to nana & ace's (my parents) for a big family birthday dinner (my birthday, but the boys get gifts - they haven't had their "Christmas with nana & ace" yet).
thanks for all the birthday wishes! turning 30 was lovely. can't wait to do it again next year! (hey, i can't be a twenty-something mom of teenagers, but i can stay at 30, right?)
Thursday, January 18, 2007
the end of my 20s...
well, tomorrow is the big day. the big 3-0. i remember 30 always seemed so old. now, it doesn't seem old at all. truth is, i still feel like a kid. (of course, now when people tell me i look like a kid, i'm starting to appreciate it rather than resent it...)
i guess if anyone is bothered by this birthday, it would be ed. he says he'll miss telling people that he's in his 40s and his wife is in her 20s. oh well. it was fun for a while. :)
my life doesn't look anything like what i thought it would be at 30, but i like the way it does look. i always thought my life would look like my moms... so that would put me giving birth to girl #3 at 30... um, yeah, not my life. the nice thing is, at 30, i've already got 4 kids who can go to the bathroom all by themselves! now, keeping the bathroom clean is another story, but if i have to choose, i'm good with what i've got.
i'm taking the day off tomorrow, choosing to enjoy my day at home. after a morning all to myself, the boys have early dismissal and will be home with me for lunch and the afternoon. ed and the boys have plans for "family fun" the rest of the day. yeah!! :) i know its childish, but i really love birthdays!!
i guess if anyone is bothered by this birthday, it would be ed. he says he'll miss telling people that he's in his 40s and his wife is in her 20s. oh well. it was fun for a while. :)
my life doesn't look anything like what i thought it would be at 30, but i like the way it does look. i always thought my life would look like my moms... so that would put me giving birth to girl #3 at 30... um, yeah, not my life. the nice thing is, at 30, i've already got 4 kids who can go to the bathroom all by themselves! now, keeping the bathroom clean is another story, but if i have to choose, i'm good with what i've got.
i'm taking the day off tomorrow, choosing to enjoy my day at home. after a morning all to myself, the boys have early dismissal and will be home with me for lunch and the afternoon. ed and the boys have plans for "family fun" the rest of the day. yeah!! :) i know its childish, but i really love birthdays!!
Monday, January 15, 2007
catching up... yep, this is long
sorry for not posting anything new (to any of you who have checked lately)... please forgive me. i'm going to try to do some quick catching up (and maybe you'll see why i haven't had time to blog!). first, we had a GREAT time in MN with the abbott clan. we traveled all day friday and arrived late that night at lucy & paul's (ed's sister & hubby). the next morning, john walked in the door and shared the good news - no second surgery that week! thank GOD! (john's in a "wait & see" mode with the doctors. in mid-february (?), he'll go back for a scan and that's when they will look to see if there are any remains of his tumor. that's also when decisions about radiation/chemo/surgery will be determined. he looked great and it was a relief for the boys especially to see uncle john looking as well as he did. (poor guy had taylor pretty much hanging on him every chance he got!)
on our way home, we wrote down all of the fun things we did with our family (the highlight for everyone was seeing uncle john, of course, but the rest of the week was great too!). among the exciting adventures: the mall of america (cindy & i will never shop with paul again!), boot hockey and ice hockey on the lake at grandma & grandpa's, game night at cindy & tom's, checking out rick & cheri's wonderful new home, midnight mass for Christmas eve (not drew's preferred service! - drew got sick Christmas morning!), sledding - despite the total lack of snow! apparently, it was more like a slip-n-slide... swimsuits might have been helpful! - and, of course, the "full family" Christmas day party at the hotel (everyone was there! we can't wait to get a copy of the photos!) and the bowling party (where buffy was actually on the winning team!! okay, thanks mainly to anthony & paul...) - both of which were wonderfully fun!! okay, that was just Christmas! geez!
New Year's was fun - the kids were gone so we went to a party with our small group where we had such a great time playing cards that i (buffy) ended up having to drag ED out because i was so tired! since then, we've just been trying to get back into something close to "normal". soccer starts up again for evan and noah is starting on a new instrument (from clarinet to bass clarinet - it's almost bigger than he is!). taylor tried out for baritone sax (he currently plays alto sax)... no decision yet. hmmm, i guess there's nothing new for drew at the moment... ? he's getting geared up for the next season of baseball. this spring he moves up into a tougher bracket and he's dreading it. but he & ed are working on his batting, so maybe when the season starts, he'll feel better prepared than in past years.
well, that's about it. i should confess that my house is a disaster zone - i've done NO laundry or cleaning at all lately (augh!) - because seeing both sides of our family shamed me into finishing our wedding thank you notes! i'm sorry to those of you who will receive our tardy thanks. we may not have told you right away - but we're very grateful and have been all along! :)
now that i'm done writing those (thus the condition of our home), i think ed & i are finally going to sit down and look at our wedding pictures and choose those! wait, that will come after the house gets cleaned... then we'll do pictures. my sister, kathy, gave us a deadline for the pics (very helpful - i work well with deadlines!), so we have to tackle this job before january 31... (but i'll try to fit in updates in the meantime too!)
on our way home, we wrote down all of the fun things we did with our family (the highlight for everyone was seeing uncle john, of course, but the rest of the week was great too!). among the exciting adventures: the mall of america (cindy & i will never shop with paul again!), boot hockey and ice hockey on the lake at grandma & grandpa's, game night at cindy & tom's, checking out rick & cheri's wonderful new home, midnight mass for Christmas eve (not drew's preferred service! - drew got sick Christmas morning!), sledding - despite the total lack of snow! apparently, it was more like a slip-n-slide... swimsuits might have been helpful! - and, of course, the "full family" Christmas day party at the hotel (everyone was there! we can't wait to get a copy of the photos!) and the bowling party (where buffy was actually on the winning team!! okay, thanks mainly to anthony & paul...) - both of which were wonderfully fun!! okay, that was just Christmas! geez!
New Year's was fun - the kids were gone so we went to a party with our small group where we had such a great time playing cards that i (buffy) ended up having to drag ED out because i was so tired! since then, we've just been trying to get back into something close to "normal". soccer starts up again for evan and noah is starting on a new instrument (from clarinet to bass clarinet - it's almost bigger than he is!). taylor tried out for baritone sax (he currently plays alto sax)... no decision yet. hmmm, i guess there's nothing new for drew at the moment... ? he's getting geared up for the next season of baseball. this spring he moves up into a tougher bracket and he's dreading it. but he & ed are working on his batting, so maybe when the season starts, he'll feel better prepared than in past years.
well, that's about it. i should confess that my house is a disaster zone - i've done NO laundry or cleaning at all lately (augh!) - because seeing both sides of our family shamed me into finishing our wedding thank you notes! i'm sorry to those of you who will receive our tardy thanks. we may not have told you right away - but we're very grateful and have been all along! :)
now that i'm done writing those (thus the condition of our home), i think ed & i are finally going to sit down and look at our wedding pictures and choose those! wait, that will come after the house gets cleaned... then we'll do pictures. my sister, kathy, gave us a deadline for the pics (very helpful - i work well with deadlines!), so we have to tackle this job before january 31... (but i'll try to fit in updates in the meantime too!)
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